Big Law attorneys are fueled by many sources—greed, ambition, arrogance, intellectual curiosity, caffeine, denial, low self-esteem … the list is endless and varies for each individual lawyer in the Big Law machine.

One of my top fuels of choice is procrastination. And I know I am not alone.

Why do today what you can do tomorrow?

Billing 2,300 hours a year requires working at least 3,000 hours a year. To spend that much time in a neutral-themed, mahogany-accented office requires some serious inspiration. Sure, a large paycheck is inspiring. Knowing your paper-shuffling skills will help Mega Corp. complete its bankruptcy is also marginally motivating. Retaining gainful employment in times of economic crisis certainly pushes one to work harder and longer.

But after 10 solid hours of reviewing due diligence documents on a computer screen, or three years of defending the same lawsuit, most of us need a little something extra to get us through each day. Maybe that is a personal stash of Rockstar Energy Drink. Maybe it's a midday run through Piedmont Park. Or maybe it's the sheer fear, anxiety, stress and adrenaline rush that comes from putting off today what you can do tomorrow … or next week.

Procrastination is an art

Procrastination is often looked down upon. Perky little non-procrastinators often chirp about the vices of purposely and unnecessarily delaying the completion of tasks: “Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today?!”

Because I don't want to do it today. That's why.

Apparently, procrastination can be a sign of an underlying psychological disorder. Procrastinators are said to have issues of anxiety, low self-esteem and a self-defeating mentality. Procrastination also can be a sign of perfectionism and workaholism. I did not know “workaholism” was a word—but if Wikipedia says so, it must be so. No wonder so many Cogs and Partners procrastinate.

But I think procrastination is unfairly viewed as a negative working methodology. It is a real art to be able to delay a task just long enough so that it can be completed by the deadline with single-minded focus, determination and minimal sleep.

Starting a task early, working efficiently during regular business hours and finishing it in time to triple-check and re-work it is so lame.

The more rewarding accomplishment is pushing off the most difficult and challenging task in favor of the smaller, more intellectually stimulating ones. Then, when it seems impossible to be able to complete the daunting task in time, you turn all of your intellectual power, overachiever ambition and fear-of-job-loss energy to the task and WOW—who knew you could work so efficiently? And FAST! And without food or sleep? You take an occasional break to jump in the air, give yourself a fist-pump and take a nature break, but then you are back at it.

After working through the night, editing one last time with glazed eyes and thanking the heavens that the printer didn't jam, you glide into the partner's office just as she arrives and hand her the Masterpiece that is “The Memo No One Thought It Was Humanly Possible To Complete In A Twelve-Hour Sleep-Deprived Marathon.” Heck, yeah.

If you had started the boring memo on “A Historic Overview Of Banking Regulations” a week earlier, plodding along each day for a few hours during the normal business day, and completing it two days before it was due so that you could give it a thorough, final review before turning it in a day early, you would probably appear calm and mildly engaged in your work. People would assume you are not all that busy because you are managing your time well and leaving the office at normal hours.

I hear you little non-procrastinators now: “But the Partner will be so impressed that I finished early—ahead of the more inferior, self-defeating, procrastinator Cogs.”

Nope.

The Partner will wonder what's wrong. “Hmm … Cog completed this memo a day early. She must be bored and not getting enough work. Maybe that means no one thinks she is competent. Maybe she isn't as smart as I thought. I wonder why she didn't use the last day to triple-check her research? She must not be thorough.”

When you procrastinate, you don't look calm and collected as you rattle around your office. Instead, you get the kind of rush that gives your eyes a certain wild look and makes your brow begin to sweat. This anxiety-stricken mien is a good look for a Cog. While you efficient planners are heading out for dinner after completing the memo early, we procrastinators are just getting started. We frantically laugh at the impossible challenge ahead. We impress Partners and Cogs who see that we are so busy we are forced to order in dinner, sleep in our suits and forego hygiene for one long night of pure billing hell. Yes! That's what the billable hour is all about!

Shame on you!

Yeah, yeah. I know my procrastination is bad and a sign of my self-destructive desire to be fired and join the circus.

But I am not alone.

Don't think for one second that Partners don't do it. Every day at Big Law some Partner forwards a Cog an e-mail from a client—an e-mail, please note, that arrived two weeks ago—requesting a painful intellectual feat that will require at least three days of work. And when does the Cog receive this e-mail? One day before the client needs the information, of course. This is particularly painful if you were saving some other difficult task for that day that could easily have been completed the week before.

Clients also are guilty of putting off until tomorrow what they could do today.

They don't select a law firm to file their answer to that breach of contract action until two days before the filing deadline. They give you their edits to contracts at the last minute, requiring reinforcements and magic to make the changes happen by the closing.

But who can blame them? We all need a little procrastination fix every now and again.

Are you a procrastinator?

You probably know who you are, but here is a quick quiz to confirm.

Have you ever done/said the following?

a) Set a follow-up reminder on an e-mail that requires you to make a two-minute phone call and then “snooze” the reminder 20 times, even though it takes longer to read and delay the reminder than to make the phone call;

b) Said, “I could start and finish those contract revisions today, but I don't have anything else to do since all of our clients stopped merging. If I finish those edits today, I won't have anything to do tomorrow.”

c) Thought, “I have absolutely no desire to draft that loser brief in support of the motion that will never be granted. If I stare out of the window for the rest of the day, leave early to play golf and start fresh tomorrow, I will feel inspired and do a better job.”

If you answered “Yes” to even one of these, you are not alone. But really, I probably should have waited awhile to tell you that. I mean, what's the hurry?

Do you have dirt to dish? Do you have a column idea? Or do you just need to vent in six-minute increments? Email the Snark at snarkatlanta@yahoo.com.